Trust and Health

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 (KJV8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Reading Paul’s words today I was hit by these verses.  I have really been struggling with my infirmities and my Dad’s recent, and ongoing, recovery.

I have only recently been learning things in my Christian walk that I should have learned years ago.  I’m not faulting anyone, for truth be told, I’m much more to blame than anyone else is. (This will be addressed in a future blog.)

I have always had a VERY, VERY hard time with trust that has transferred into all areas of my life. 

Difficulties in trust arise when the protector(s) are the perpetrators or alternately turn a blind eye to the abuse/abuser(s).  Even though trying to control all aspects of life is wearying and impossible the illusion offers comfort.

Trust is difficult to impossible in some circumstances and in spite of the  issue, one can have a rich and comforting prayer life, but letting go and trusting God is still nigh on to impossible.

And therein lies the problem-letting go of the illusion, placing trust in no one and clinging to the belief that with enough hard work, research, etc. that things can and will get better; after all time heals all wounds, right?

Consequently, trusting the Lord with my health and that of my Dad’s is a major effort for me and at this point in my life, it should not be.  

 

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Healing and Healed

It is a really strange phenomenon, how our bodies react to stress.

I mean, for example I am feeling much better and the first day I was feeling much better, it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed!!!!!!!!!

I think it was my mind, especially, and my body’s way of not facing what needs to be faced. It’s easier to hibernate, pull the covers over my head and veg out than it is to face the difficulties of the upcoming days.

It is really hard for me to see my Dad, who although not physically tall, has almost always been larger than life to me.

He started working when he was 5 years old because his father left him, his 4 sisters and his Mother. (Dad’s dad would even waylay Dad on his way home when he had only a few pennies in his pocket. He would then turn this poor little boy upside down and shake the change he earned out of his pockets so that he, his father, would have drinking money).  Dad worked throughout his life until he had 5-heart bypass surgery and after a long, long recuperation period he went back to work part time until he physically was no longer able to work.

The Dr said some of his current problems could be traced back to last year when the “jerk” ran over him; literally (see this story: https://captivedreamswindow.wordpress.com/2012/07/05/prayers-for-my-dad/).

So now, I’m watching this once strong man being brought to his knees and it HURTS. In addition, it doesn’t help watching him slowly shrivel. And I’m desperately clinging to:

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV):  11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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Time-I Need More Time

I know I’m not the only one that feels they never have enough time.

Lately I’ve met myself coming and going and now I’m paying for it. I have an URI and sinus infection; have been ordered to rest, and to not visit my very sick Father for a few days. A precaution so I won’t infect him, if this is indeed bacterial and not viral. We caught it early so lab results could be inaccurate.

I’ve had to let the blog, along with house cleaning and a myriad of other things fall by the wayside due to all the things currently going on in my life.

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Dad Update

I have been staying at the hospital with Dad, just ran home for a quick nap then back.

He has had a TIA, 2 strokes and a heart attack. He has vastly improved from Thursday and was moved from ICU. He is supposed to go to rehab Monday if there are no more complications. He is so very weak he can’t sit up, support himself or walk.

Thank you everyone for all the prayers.  Please continue to pray as he (and we) have a long, long road ahead of us.

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