I have been having some real struggles lately. More like convictions, really, if I were honest about what has been going on in my life.
I have NEVER EVER (with GREAT emphasis on never ever) been a morning person.
I love sunrises; sometimes they are too beautiful for words even; but I would rather enjoy them from pictures or gazing out the window from the comfort of my bed.
When I worked, I was always stretching the last minute out to 2 or 5 or 10. . . I was always on time-just barely-but on time nonetheless. Since the assault, I have not been working outside the home and therein lies the problem.
It is next to impossible to care for my g’daughter, help to home-school her, take care of all the myriad things around the house and not get up early. However, it is almost impossible for me to do.
I have a horrible case of insomnia dating back to my wee childhood days and as the years and stresses have passed it gets progressively worse. For instance, last night I did not fall asleep until about 4 AM. (I woke up around 9 AM and just could not get moving well til about 10.) I try to sleep and cannot, so I give up and get up. I’ll read til I’m so sleepy I can barely stand it, but the second I’m in bed, I’m wide awake again. I will be so very tired sometimes my body will twitch in exhaustion and still I am wide awake. I try not to do things that wake others or me up too much like being on the computer or vacuuming ( : >} )
Nothing seems to help. I have tried sleeping pills (both prescription and over the counter) and all they do is make me groggy but I am still awake or alternately I will sleep for about 3-4 hours then I am even more awake. I have tried exercise during the day and still sleep eludes me. I very seldom nap so that is not the problem with not being able to sleep.
The thing is, this affects every other area of my life, too. I am grouchy, even less patient than my usually impatient self and utterly, physically bone weary.
So OK, that is nice I guess, but what about the conviction part you are probably asking.
Here’s the thing, as I have my daily devotions and bible study, I keep finding verses about being lazy and WOW. There’s:
Proverbs 6:9 How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?
Or even worse:
Proverbs 31:10, 15 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
Proverbs 10:5 He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.
Proverbs 19:15 Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger.
Proverbs 20:13 Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread.
OK, so I am not trying to beat you over the head with my findings and I am not trying to preach but there are a lot more verses along those same lines and not all in the Old Testament or Proverbs.
There you have it! My struggles, and now my convictions, stem from staying up LATE at night and sleeping late in the morning.