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Dreams No Longer Captive

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Saturday’s Silly

One customer continually bothered his waiter. He’d ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because he was too hot, then he’d ask for it to be turned down because he was too cold. This continued for almost half an hour.

The waiter was extremely patient and walked back and forth, never once getting angry. Finally, another customer asked why the restaurant didn’t just ask the other customer to leave.

“It doesn’t bother me,” the waiter said, smiling. Then he leaned over and whispered, “We don’t even have air conditioning!”

running manrunning man 2serving foodman whispering



Thursday’s Thoughts

Raw, tender and agonizing are just a few words to describe how I feel right now. For many years, I have suffered from depression and recent news has stirred up innumerable feelings.

I haven’t had access to the internet for several days now and though I had heard about Robin Williams’ death, I had not read or seen any reports. I know there have been countless stories, blogs and remembrances almost everywhere, and I know too, that this is late, but I feel led to share my story.

This won’t be easy for me because the memories are painful, but they are invading virtually every thought.

Quite a few years ago, my husband and I were going through some growing pains in our marriage. He was a career soldier and I worked and cared for our three young children. I was managing a large apartment community at the time that had some pretty significant perks. Things were becoming tenuous at best and indescribable at worst. Due to my very dysfunctional childhood, fear, imprudence and immaturity, I decided I could care for our three children and myself and asked him to leave. He decided to request, and received, an overseas tour.

I continued to work for the property management company until several months later when I was offered a job with a great deal more pay in another city. So, I packed up myself and three little ones and we took off on a grand adventure. Little did I know.

Fortunately, I was able to enroll my little ones in a before and after school care that included evening hours. I began working 10-14 hours a day 6 days a week with little to no time to rest, much less make friends and become part of the community. Initially loved my new job, but things started slowly unraveling.

Work became a haven as I could handle what was going on there easier than I could handle home and all its demands, not to mention the loneliness and isolation I felt.

The company I worked for started laying people off and in true last hired fashion, I was laid off. I received a decent severance package, to include continuation of insurance for a short period of time.

Without realizing what was happening, I spiraled into SEVERE depression. As time went on, I was less and less able to handle even the smallest of day-to-day tasks. The kids were still going to before and after school care and I was just trying to make it through the next 10 seconds without feeling like I was drowning a very slow and very painful death.

And then one day, I seemed to have clarity of thought and action. I decided life wasn’t worth living and in a bizarre (though typical ideation) I began to systematically prepare everything for my death. Insurance was checked to see if it covered suicide (it did), I found a sweet, older Christian couple to care for the kids long-term, contacted Red Cross to find out what they would need to notify my husband and went to see a friend I made where I had worked.

My friend and I talked for a little while and then, for reasons unknown to me at the time, they asked me to go home and stay there until they came by later that day. I agreed and went home.

I know now that my friend, although not a Christian, was being led by God. This friend had a sister who had committed suicide and was able to recognize in me, through their heartbreaking experience, what I was doing, even though I didn’t. I was saying, “Good-bye.”

Later in the day, my friend came by to see me and was able to talk me into getting help.

I wish I could say this experience worked a miracle. I wish I could say I had not tried to commit suicide before (first time I was 13). I wish I could say I am free of depression. Unfortunately, I can’t. I continued and still continue with debilitating depression. I did learn one thing though-how to recognize when the depression is getting out of hand and to seek help right away.

I also learned, even when fleeing from myself and the Lord, the Lord is still there just waiting for me to return.

I cling to certain verses now.

John 16:33b King James Version (KJV) 33b In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Philippians 4:19 King James Version (KJV) 19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV) 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 15:13 King James Version (KJV) 13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Psalm 31:24 King James Version (KJV) 24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Psalm 30:5b King James Version (KJV) 5b  weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

And so many more, I can’t even begin to list them all.

There’s a lot more to my story but I leave you with this: If you are hurting, lost in sadness, overwhelmed by life, feel like you can’t go on or a million other things that leave you feeling hopeless or helpless-get help. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you-GET HELP. I cannot stress this enough-Please, oh, please GET HELP!

National Suicide Hopeline
Phone: 800.784.2433

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 800.273.8255

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Wednesday’s Words


Re-blogging on Captive Dreams Window. Thanks for the reminder!


Originally posted on Freed to Fly:


“Are you happy?”

A man who was following his heart asked this of a woman who was success-driven in her career. A woman who was always striving for perfectionistic performance to please her mother, never stopping to think what will make HER happy. (Movie: Stranded in Paradise)

Striving to please. Sound familiar? Do you long for success? Do you think it will make you feel happier or more approved by the people around you?

I sometimes slip into questioning the impact I make as a writer. I start thinking of numbers. Number of followers, likes, or comments. I start needing validation again or approval. I start thinking I’m not a success as a writer if I don’t write a book.

Unmet expectations, some I heap on myself and some pressures from society, make me feel I’m a failure in making a difference in this world. I think I should be making a bigger splash, like…

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Saturday Silly

The pastor’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty her mother decided to give her a punishment. She told her she wasn’t allowed to go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

Saturday came, and her mother, feeling she was too harsh, changed her mind. When she told her little girl she could go, the girl’s reaction was one of extreme unhappiness.

“What’s wrong?  I thought you would be glad you could go to the picnic,” her mother said.

“No, NO!” the little girl said. “I prayed for rain.”Little


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Tuesday Tutorial

I never have been, nor will I claim to be, anything but a beginner at quilting. If possible, I would perhaps assign myself the name of pre-beginner. I enjoyed most of my quilting days with my grandmother and mother when I was younger. Since then, it has been sporadic at best, and then confined mainly to just squares. However, I recently read Lucky Spool’s Essential Guide to Modern Quilt Making (From Color to Quilting: 10 Design Workshops by Your Favorite Teachers) by the editors at Lucky Spool and have been amazed at the diversity and abundant assortment of quilting techniques.

The book introduces ten teachers of quilt making who share their most popular workshops. Every workshop is delightfully illustrated with the techniques being taught and of course, step-by-step instructions for making the illustrated quilt.

The finishing touch to the book is the last workshop. Rife with illustrations and instructions, it is a quilt makers dream, causing you to wish you could create every demonstrated quilt NOW.

I received this book from in exchange for an honest review. Quilt square


The Essential Stumbling Block


Thanks for the post-I reblogged on Captive Dreams Window.

Originally posted on Seeing Deep:

© 5/24/14 Denise PassImageMatthew 18:7

“Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks! It is necessary that stumbling blocks come, but woe to the person through whom they come.”

My heart stopped as I read those words, seemingly as if I had never seen them, but I had read this verse so many times before – yet this time something new apprehended my soul. “It is NECESSARY that stumbling blocks come”. Why? Why must we ever endure or be tempted by evil? What fruit can that bear in the life of the believer? If we continue on in this passage, a radical ideology is presented – if something causes us to stumble, we must cut it off – sever it, as it were, from our life, to prevent damnation. Likened to an analogy of a gardener, we can see the importance of removing weeds or other hindrances that impede…

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Saturday Silly

A little girl was holding her stomach saying, “Mommy, my tummy hurts.” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something in it!”

Sick girl

Later, the Pastor and his wife were visiting and stayed for dinner. The Pastor wasn’t feeling well and said, “I have a terrible headache!”

The little girl perked up and smiled her sweetest smile. Then said, “Mom says that’s because it’s empty and you need to put something in it!”

Happy girl

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Friday Fiction

The Amish Blacksmith

Jake Miller, an apprenticed blacksmith, is working for the Kinsinger family, and has developed a name in the community as a horse whisperer. He has been dating Amanda Shetler, an easy-going and calm young woman. Jake is happy and content with his life and goals.

Jake has a chance meeting with an old friend who introduces him to a rich, local horse owner. The owner hires Jake to calm one of her prize horses, thereby fulfilling one of his long-held dreams.

Priscilla Kinsinger, the niece of Jake’s employer, is returning home. She left several years ago following the tragic death of her mother, a death for which she blames herself.

Jake’s boss requests he and Amanda take Priscilla under their wing and help to integrate her back into the community.

Priscilla is a little strange and aloof. She is more comfortable with animals than she is with people and has developed an affinity for horses. In fact, she too has a gift for finding out what bothers a horse. Jake has reservations about her abilities, but questions himself after Priscilla discovers why one of the horses he is working with is so skittish.

Jake draws closer and closer to Priscilla while trying to help her overcome her painful past. In doing so, he finds his life and his goals challenged more and more.

The Amish Blacksmith is book 2 of The Men of Lancaster County series by Mindy Starns Clark and Susan Meissner but could be a standalone book, as you don’t feel you have missed anything by not having read the first book.

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.



Saturday Silly

A man said to his pastor one Sunday, “I would like to attend church next Sunday but I don’t want to miss the game.”   The pastor  said, “That’s what  TIVO, DVR’s and recorders are for.” The man’s face lit up and he said, “You could record your sermon? That is wonderful! Thanks so much!”



Saturday Silly

A young girl was running late for Sunday school so she began running as fast as she could. As she ran, she prayed, “Lord, please don’t let me be late!  Lord, please don’t let me be late!” Suddenly she tripped on a rock and fell. She got her clothes dirty and tore her pretty, new dress. Getting up, she brushed herself off, and then started running again. While running she began to pray, “Lord, please don’t let me be late and please don’t push me either!”

Running girl

Fall girl


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